For the last couple of days, I've been feeling very defeated. All of the day-to-day crap, stuff that makes your otherwise happy life not-so-perfect, was really getting to me. We've had a lot of that lately, and I call them either "character building exercises" or attacks from Satan. But the last couple of days they've gotten me down, and I started getting angry, overwhelmed and frustrated. I won't bore you with details, but will just touch on the surface of the issues. First of all, my little girl is a 24 pound monster 75% of the time these days. She gives a whole new meaning to the term "Terrible Twos". She hits, screams, kicks, bites, pinches and does the opposite of what you say while saying "NO!!!!", that's if she pays any attention at all to what you are saying. This is new for me, Cully wasn't this way, and that's good because if he was, Ansley wouldn't be here today. Anyway, that behavior has been constant at home and in public for a couple of weeks now, and we have yet to find a punishment that works on such a strong willed child. I'm at the end of my rope!
Secondly, we've had some unexpected money spending issues which has all but cleared out our savings right here before Christmas-lovely. This along with the everyday stress that goes on in my head about the missions thing and when to sell our home, Trace's new job, and a perpetual dirty house that DRIVES ME CRAZY, I'm spinning in circles! So, not surprisingly, last night I broke down. I completely tuned Ansley out, sat in a trance and pouted. I put the kids to bed and went and sat on my bathroom rug to think and pity myself.
As I sat there, I thought "What lies are you believing today, Ginger?" (That was a brilliant thing I heard Laura Morgan say) I began to realize that thinking I'm a horrible mother was a lie that was feeding off the guilt I already feel everyday as a young mother. The feelings of how God won't prevail through our financial struggles, our family decisions, our vehicles and how Christmas will suck again this year are all lies. And I believed them, hook, line and sinker.
I love putting all my "dirty laundry" out there for everyone to read, but blogging about this makes me feel better somehow. It makes it more true to me and besides I have to share my little AHA! moment because I believe lies alot and am just now starting to recognize them. As we try to preach the Gospel to ourselves everyday, that should include who we are because of Christ. When has He not come through, providing for us in incredible ways?
Tell this to the Liar:
I am a daugher of the King
Nothing can seperate me from Him
He gives me all I need
He has plans to give me hope and a future
I am precious to God
He knew me when I was in my mother's womb
I am a coheir to the throne of grace
He will never leave me or forsake me
He has called by my name and I am His
8 comments:
preach that Gospel sister
Good greif, I needed to read this. I've been having "breakdowns" everyday for the past week. I've never felt so much of a failure until I became a mother, and that liar's voice becomes louder and louder on certain days. I can't understand why this unfounded guilt suddenly stops me in it's tracks. Ginger, I wish I could hug you. I'm so glad God has sent me such good friends. My O my how we need each other.
I was believing the lies yesterday, too, Ginger. The battle we fight with the flesh is exhausting. But what rest there is in the fact that, in the end, there's no way we can lose the victory! Powerful post, friend.
I'm a putz.
I love you friend.
Thanks for reminding me of the gospel.
Go Ginger! Preachin' it like Luther!
Wow that was awesome to read. Eric was a very difficult 2 year old I believed the lies so much that I gave up on him and went to work and put him in daycare (nothing wrong with a Mom working or daycare but I did it for the wrong reason) I soon realized this was not working for my family or for Eric who quit talking. So I quit and you know the rest It does get better but he still challenges me almost everyday. God helps me through so thank you for the reminder.
Incredible. Thanks for your honosty and your encouragement.
WOW! I needed to hear that and am awed by your insight. I read this last night on the way to Atlanta but couldn't post while driving. Thx for sharing your life and your wisdom with the rest of us.
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