Here's my struggle...

What an incredibly relaxing day! I love the rain when I have no where to go and I can stay home in my jammies all day if I want to! Uh, not that I do that. Anyway, the greatest surprise was that Trace didn't have to work today, but still got paid! Even better! So, he, Ansy and I went to lunch together then came home and they are both napping. Cully is due home in about half an hour and I tried to pick up the house, but decided to waste my precious quiet and alone time on the computer instead.
What's so nice about this day is that its just relaxing, free and not stressful. I'm a stress ball, especially lately and the Lord has given me a much needed break from it today. Thank you, Lord. We've been dealing with all these decisions in our family's life and with the rest of what life throws at you its been overwhelming and stressful. If you're me, you take it all on your shoulders and share none of burden. A dear and wise friend told me a few weeks ago that going into missions is not about going somewhere else to share the gospel as much as it is realizing the gospel in your own life. Wow, that's so true! The Lord is showing me my weakness and His strength during this time. Its not some awesome, holy calling that is more special than others' calling-although I didn't think that it was. This is all about Him and how He is revealing himself and His will to His child and teaching me the gospel each day. I loved that. It really brought it into prospective and helped me deal with things a little better. Not great, just a little better. He is showing me daily that He is providing all our needs.
I changed the first song on my play list to Rich Young Ruler by Derek Webb. It you haven't listened to the words-stop and listen! They are fabulous, and boy, have they spoken to me lately. The biggest struggle right now with planning to go overseas is giving up my stuff. I didn't think I was materialistic, but I am. I was sad about selling my nice, new home. I question whether to sell furniture or take it with us. The real battle is knowing once I sell everything it means I'll have nothing! That goes against everything that's ever been ingrained in me! Aren't we supposed to work and gain stuff and build our little kingdoms and have it better than our parents and give our kids things we never had? Enough! My flesh wants it all-the even better house with the SUV and stocks and security. My God has told me that He is all I need. Ouch! Am I going to believe Him? I covet your prayers.