Twenty-eight and finally starting to get a clue!

Recently, I have discovered that I do like to read. I never enjoyed it growing up, but I guess I just never found the right books. I haven't been bitten by the reading bug yet, where I am anxiously looking for the next book I'm going to read, but I have been reading The Thirteenth Tale since Friday and I can't put it down! Yeah, I know its Monday night and I'm about halfway through it, but its a long book! Really! I read in the mornings when I get up and stay up late at night reading, completely ignoring my husband. Poor thing. I think about the story all day and can't wait to read more, fighting the urge while doing my housework. I have friends who can read big books in two days, but I'm a slow reader I guess.

Sometimes I feel like I'm just finding out things about myself, even though I'm 28 years old. Has that happened to anyone else out there or am I just a late bloomer? Over the last year, I've noticed I'm more comfortable in my own skin. I know that the more I see the wretched failure that I am, the more I see how anything good in me was put there by God! I realize its not me and I have come to terms with that. I am thankful that the Lord has put me in a place with people who I can be honest about myself because they are honest about their shortcomings as well. There is such a freedom in that! He has given out family trials to teach us these things, but we haven't been alone in our struggles. He has put people around us that are going through some of the same things and are willing to be honest about it, so we can support each other. I am so thankful for the true family and community we've found in our friends.

I'm not sure how all of that came from my story about enjoying a new book. I guess all of that was just in my heart and I needed to share it.

"Cully Wully" and "Ansy Pansy"

Mission: Possible?

This journey to a foreign mission field is very difficult for me. I have learned so much and I know that one day I'll look back on all of this and get a better idea of why God chose to do it this way for us. Today, I had a ton of different emotions. I have been excited, hopeful and nervous because we were supposed to get a call from Scotland today. I was trusting and then very worried because I realized I had a false feeling of security about a new job for my husband. (Trace is quitting his teaching job at the end of the school year and finding a job with benefits and enough $ is a source of anxiety almost everyday) To be real honest,I know the Lord will supply our needs, but its our wants and losing life as we know it that scares me! Then, Scotland didn't call. That was a bummer! That's the place we've always wanted to go and we've emailed them over & over, so we were thrilled when we would finally be able to talk with them! We both had hope that this was it-we'd get invited, go visit and start raising support! Nope! Not today anyway.
I locked myself in the bathroom to pray-away from kids-and threw a tantrum to God. I felt like my 4 year old, but I was honest about doubting Him and His perfect plan. He knows I doubt Him-no surprises there. Told a friend about it, then Trace came home with another job lead. So the cycle starts again...

We have other places that we are looking at-Portugal, London, Germany-but, Scotland or Ireland is where we desire to be. Are we holding out for the right timing, or is God telling me to look elsewhere and go minister to other people whom I might be afraid of, or is He telling us to stay in Alabama and be the nationals that reach their own people! I'm ok with any of that-JUST TELL ME!

Spider Webs

Someone asked me the other day what God has been showing and teaching me since my MTW evaluation several months ago. I kind of hesitated, then tried to come up with some spiritual answer. The truth is I have not really thought about it because so many crazy things seem to pop up to stress me. I have felt like we're under spiritual attack or God is just making sure I am not content or comfortable with many aspects of my life right now. How completely self-centered of me! In the same context, that person went on to tell me about spider webs and how its good for them to be torn down from time to time, because it makes them stronger when they are repaired & woven again. Right then, God revealed to me what He's been showing these past months. He has shown me that when hard, scary and stressful things happen in my life, He will provide and it will make me stronger. He provides money, grace, friends or wisdom to help me. Some of my biggest fears have actually happened, and the world didn't end! He didn't stop them from happening like I prayed for Him to, but when it did happen He brought me through it and made sure I knew He did it. I know in the back of my mind that God will provide, and I can tell that to a discouraged friend with confidence, but I still fear. God used this almost complete stranger to speak such truth to me and it was beautiful. I feel He is preparing me for the future and that's encouraging. That's when He feels like such a Father to me.

We have the flu!...again?

No, we did not get the flu shot! I am kicking myself over and over again for that one! Trace started feeling achy on Thursday night and Cully and Ansley had 103 temps on Sunday. So, after being to exposed to everyone possible in that time frame, I am sorry to say you might be next! We are all (except Trace, cause its been too long for him) taking Tamiflu and I pray it works! Not only is it terribly expensive, but me and Ansley just got over the flu at Christmas! I feel like the stupidest person and worst mother alive for not getting the flu shot for my babies! Today, I have felt achy and I CAN'T GET SICK AGAIN!!!!!!!!!! Who will take care of them or me? How will I do my job? AAAAHHHHH!!! I hate this! (jumping up and down and screaming)
OK, now I'm done with my tantrum.

So, you think you know me?

4 Jobs I've had:

1. Sales Associate
2. Banker
3. "Domestic Engineer"
4. Children's Ministry Director

4 Places I've lived:

1. Woodbury, TN
2. Fairhope, AL
3. Nashville, TN
4. Moody, AL

4 things I'd rather be doing:

1. Travelling through Europe
2. shopping (with money to spend)
3. at the beach
4. drinking a breve at a coffee shop

4 things I'd watch over and over:

1. Dumb and Dumber
2. All episodes of "Friends"
3. Our wedding video
4. Hmm...I'll have to think about this a little more

4 things you may not know about me:

1. With hopes of going overseas as missionaries, we are currently in contact with 8 different countries
2. I can be very quirky about food(especially chunks of fruit, but the rules change constantly)
3. I hate to read, although I secretly wish I loved it (the phrase "curl up with a good book" has never been in my vocabulary)
4. I am really enjoying learning to cook from scratch (and I've noticed I bake more when I feel stressed)

Note: I wanted to have a "Favorite Foods" category, but I can't narrow it down to just four. However, I think anything chocolate and anything covered in cheese would just about cover it!

I had a Children's Ministry meeting this afternoon at my house. It was really great. I am working with the best group of ladies! We enjoy our time together and it is a very uplifting experience. I feel so inadequate at my job of Director, but everytime we meet I feel so encouraged and excited about what's going on! We accomplished so much today and they have so many wonderful, creative ideas! It's so neat to see the different gifts God has given us and how they can all work together! It's very encouraging to see that these ladies love the children, have a desire to reach out to our community and take so much time out of their busy lives to focus on the ministry God has obviously called them to do. Otherwise, they would not be willing to do all this! Just when I felt completely overwhelmed, out came all these great ideas (none of them mine) and I felt such relief. God is so good and the body of Christ is a wonderful thing!