Mission: Possible?

This journey to a foreign mission field is very difficult for me. I have learned so much and I know that one day I'll look back on all of this and get a better idea of why God chose to do it this way for us. Today, I had a ton of different emotions. I have been excited, hopeful and nervous because we were supposed to get a call from Scotland today. I was trusting and then very worried because I realized I had a false feeling of security about a new job for my husband. (Trace is quitting his teaching job at the end of the school year and finding a job with benefits and enough $ is a source of anxiety almost everyday) To be real honest,I know the Lord will supply our needs, but its our wants and losing life as we know it that scares me! Then, Scotland didn't call. That was a bummer! That's the place we've always wanted to go and we've emailed them over & over, so we were thrilled when we would finally be able to talk with them! We both had hope that this was it-we'd get invited, go visit and start raising support! Nope! Not today anyway.
I locked myself in the bathroom to pray-away from kids-and threw a tantrum to God. I felt like my 4 year old, but I was honest about doubting Him and His perfect plan. He knows I doubt Him-no surprises there. Told a friend about it, then Trace came home with another job lead. So the cycle starts again...

We have other places that we are looking at-Portugal, London, Germany-but, Scotland or Ireland is where we desire to be. Are we holding out for the right timing, or is God telling me to look elsewhere and go minister to other people whom I might be afraid of, or is He telling us to stay in Alabama and be the nationals that reach their own people! I'm ok with any of that-JUST TELL ME!

Spider Webs

Someone asked me the other day what God has been showing and teaching me since my MTW evaluation several months ago. I kind of hesitated, then tried to come up with some spiritual answer. The truth is I have not really thought about it because so many crazy things seem to pop up to stress me. I have felt like we're under spiritual attack or God is just making sure I am not content or comfortable with many aspects of my life right now. How completely self-centered of me! In the same context, that person went on to tell me about spider webs and how its good for them to be torn down from time to time, because it makes them stronger when they are repaired & woven again. Right then, God revealed to me what He's been showing these past months. He has shown me that when hard, scary and stressful things happen in my life, He will provide and it will make me stronger. He provides money, grace, friends or wisdom to help me. Some of my biggest fears have actually happened, and the world didn't end! He didn't stop them from happening like I prayed for Him to, but when it did happen He brought me through it and made sure I knew He did it. I know in the back of my mind that God will provide, and I can tell that to a discouraged friend with confidence, but I still fear. God used this almost complete stranger to speak such truth to me and it was beautiful. I feel He is preparing me for the future and that's encouraging. That's when He feels like such a Father to me.